I was watching Sportscenter and noticed that Randy Wolf gave up a game winning dinger to the Milwaukee Drunkards last night and wondered to myself if somewhere in Philly an angel was beaten with a cheese steak, or even if a former member of the Wolf Pack shed a tear. I mean, what are they going to with their lives, now that their reason d'etre is gone. I almost feel bad for them and their sad and pathetic City of Man Love existence, but I don't.
I just don't get those types of uberfans. Who the hell watches a baseball game in a frickin wolf mask, that to me almost smacks of hooliganism and something to be seen at a Romanian soccer match wearing a matching team colors scarf.
Which brings me to Cow-Bell-Man. Well not really, but bear with me. I cant stand him. The guy plays a cowbell, an instrument made cool by Will Ferrell, an instrument that is tailor made for baseball games and yet he still sucks, the guy has got no rhythm.
I've got a fever and the only prescription is less cowbell.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but as far as I can remember he goes back to the '99 season since Ive only had tix since '97 and cant remember him in anything but his current uni and the old Derek Bell jersey, a great Met in his short stint. Okay maybe not a great Met, but a favorite of mine as he'd always chuck a ball up in the outer cheap seats I used to sit. Not to mention his at times hot hitting, bad pitching, and his respect for the Mets legacy by getting arrested with a crack pipe before a game.
I once asked CowBellMan what happened to his Bell jersey and he denied he ever owned one, as if rocking a Bell jersey was beneath him now that he is, dah dah dah...COWBELLMAN.
I'm sure it will come as no surprise to learn that Fly and I were about to kick his ass before we were distracted by his accomplice...BeerDudeGuy. Touche CowBellMan touche.
But that's just me. I'm a traditionalist. I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records, and when I go to games I go face paintless and I eat meat and I drink beers, usually in copious volumes, and I like my cowbell BOC style.
That's America, that's baseball.
4.4.07
Dont Fear The CowBellMan
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I don't like Cow Bell man for a lot of the same reasons. He has about as much rhythm as Carlton Banks. Plus his denial about Bell is just lame. It was a Bell jersey and I can remember it because Cow & Bell didn't fit right because Bell was centered on the jersey. It was totally ghetto looking. Cow was run up the side of his jersey like a racing stripe on the left side and man was run down the right side similarly. Now this dork has it perfectly centered. I'd probably like him if he'd just admit this fact.
Anyway, my favorite Derek Bell story was from his first few weeks with the Mets. Bell was an avid fisherman (as I would like to be) and he was living on his boat in the Long Island Sound of Mike Torrez's yachting club. The Mets almost shit themselves when they found out and they made him get an apartment for fear that he would somehow drown or something I guess. But just the fact that for a few short weeks he lived across the street from Shea in a boat on the Sound made me love the guy. Who does that?
I say we make Cow-Bell-Man admit his jersey origin this year if we have to hold him down and make him admit it!
I should note, that it is my belief that CowBellMan was inspired by Derek Bell, and his denial of this simple fact now that he is a D-list celebrity Mets fan to me is not only disingenuous but fraudulent as well.
You can lie to us CBM, but you cant lie to youself.
Why do we need any freak fans? They should all be round up and shot in the face with a shotgun, their bloody, almsot headless bodies left in the aisle for the seagulls to feast on, and as a reminder that nobody should paint their face or play an instrument when a baseball game is being played. I speak not only of cowbellman, but all freak fans in all sports, the Jet firehat guy, Captian Jet, and whatever loser the Giants have - "Winedrinking Guy" or "Crumpet and Cheese Guy" (Fucking fag Giant fans)
Go Mets!
Careful Faker...Donk is one of those less than manly G-Men fans.
They might eat cheese and crackers and sip wine while tailgating but Jet fans walk on four legs and gnaw grizzled uncooked meat before games.
There has to be a happy medium...I think there is...we call it baseball!
yeah faker...plus crazy fans are what it is all about. 'member we sat behind Captain Jet? We should have had our picture taken with him. At any rate...smell ya later.
I know Donk is a Giants fan, why do you think I am busting balls? Do I hate Giant fans that much? No. Do I hate the Giants? Sure.
Yeah, I remember sitting next to Ct. Jet, the guy was a clown and a loser. And weird. And he probably lives in a van down by the river. F him.
Oh, and I agree about Jets fans, they are animals compared to Giants fans. That's my point.
I kinda liked Captain Jet until he asked me to touch his johnson and pretend to be a six year old boy. He just took it all a little too far.
Yeah, when started calling me "Little Fakehead" and asked me to wear a hat with a propeller on it I immediately pulled up my pants.
If only I could suck a bag of dicks...that's almost like, "if I had a million dollars."
Eli Manning has a big rack? I mean, I knew he was a chick but I always thought his boobs were kind of the fried egg variety.
The only thing Giants fans are good for is telling you how to get to Sonoma Valley. "Just ask at your local market...be sure to pick up some fresh lobster pate to go with it."
Giants fans are articulate, Jets are monosyllabic.
Giants are an earthereal blue, Jets are an envious green.
Giants have the championships, the pedigree and the money. The Jets have Mangini.
Giants fans get just as drunk, eat as much raw meat and pull in Jets fans at their games. The Unruly Jets fan was at a Giants game with this author as a matter of fact! Of couse we were drinking and he was trying to tackle me in the parking lot, but that's not important right now. What is important is that Jets fans have such a loathing for the Giants, while Giants fans don't mind the Jets, cause they are like our little brothers seething with envy.
Oh by the way, October 7th or 9th, Ginats vs. Jets regular season game. Lets get some tickets bitches.
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